10 steps to a perfect (for you) honeymoon

So you got (or gave) a big, shiny rock for Christmas. Congratulations! Now you have to plan one of the biggest and potentially most expensive events of your lives, one you’ll stress about for months and remember forever, one about which everyone you know will have an opinion.

No, not that. The honeymoon.

First, you’ll be hit by the hard-sell travel ads in the bridal magazines that try to convince couples that anything less than a $20,000 super-luxury, five-star, first-class trip is unworthy of your love.

Then, all the cautious relatives will try to convince you to spend not one dime on such frivolity. (These are sometimes the same relatives who explode the costly wedding guest list with ex-cousins-in-law that you simply must invite. Priorities!)

So you need a voice of reason, someone who really doesn’t care how much you spend, where you go or when but still supports your dreams of taking a honeymoon.

In other words, Auntie Lisa is here for you crazy kids.

Let’s take an organized approach, shall we?

Step One, of course, is deciding if you really want a honeymoon and, if so, where. You don’t have to take a wedding trip at all, of course. And even if you want to, the Caribbean island everyone pictures might not be your thing. The Boundary Waters is just as great — greater, even — if that’s your scene as a couple. Talk about that, agree on it, then own it no matter what your wedding party and cubicle mates think.

Step Two: Set a budget. No, wait — scratch that. Step Two is to research your destination. What are the main ways tourists eat, sleep, get around and recreate there? What do those things generally cost? How about on the “other” end of the city/island/country/lake? OK. Now find out the main ways the locals eat, sleep, get around and recreate. How much does it cost them? You are now armed with information.

Step Three: Take your data from Step Two and set a budget and priorities. If you and your beloved go to this dream spot, what are your must-dos? The five-star hotel and the adventurous excursion? Cool. Now decide what are you willing to scrimp a little on — maybe the business class seats on the plane to get there? Do the math and figure out what it will cost. Can you afford that without killing a 21-percent-interest-rate credit card? No? Return to Step Two. Yes? Great! On to …

Step Four: Think about the practicalities. If you’re dreaming of an 85-degree lounge on a Greek beach, find out what the weather there usually is during your target honeymoon season. Do you need a visa to enter that foreign country or an entry permit for Lake One? Can you get one in time? Remember, a honeymoon doesn’t have to start hours after the wedding ends. Go when you like and when it makes sense.

Step Five: Book it — carefully. One of the more common travel errors happens when newlyweds buy a cruise or plane ticket under a new name while their passport or other ID still lists the old name. This is hard (and expensive) to fix but easy to avoid: Until you can get your documents changed, simply buy any tickets and travel insurance and reserve any rooms, cars or excursions under the name that matches the ID you’ll be carrying. Don’t rely on carrying a marriage license to get around this obstacle. It often doesn’t work.

Step Six: Make a rain plan. Have I told the story of my lovely niece who planned a trip-of-a-lifetime honeymoon to Jamaica — and it rained almost the whole time? She and her man still had a good time (they’re that type), but it’s a good idea to know how you might have fun if your trip doesn’t end up looking like a travel brochure.

Step Seven: Plan and have your wedding. You don’t need me for this one.

Step Eight: When the festivities are over, take a day or so just for the two of you before you end up in a car or an airport security line for hours. (Next-day family gatherings don’t count.) Why? Because you are likely exhausted, overwhelmed, haven’t had a private talk with your mate for days, and are maybe even a little freaked out by what you’ve just done. So take a break together before you plunge into the honeymoon. The alternative is, at best, wasting a day of the honeymoon sleeping off the wedding exhaustion. At worst, it’s starting married life stressed out and snarky with one another — in front of the TSA. Don’t do it. Just don’t.

Step Nine: Once you get there, do it up right. Plan one great evening out. Get a couples massage. Take some delicacies to nibble after a long portage to a deserted campsite overlooking a lonely lake. Whatever it is that drew you there, do that. Take lots of photos and don’t be shy about asking other people to take photos of you, because this honeymoon only comes along once.

Step 10: You will come back to earth, to the job and the grind, maybe even to the kids. When things get rocky with your partner (and they will, eventually) try to remember how good it felt to have no agenda but each other for that brief window. Cherish that — it’s the whole point.

Send your travel questions to lschwarz@stcloudtimes.com. Not every question can be answered in this space, but most will be within two weeks. Get travel news daily at www.sctimes.com/life/travel. Follow her on Twitter @LisaSSchwarz and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/sctimeslisa