‘Groom’s Instruction Manual’: Planning the honeymoon

One of the more traditional groom responsibilities is making arrangements for the honeymoon. At the risk of being repetitious, we must urge you (again) to consult your fiancee. Nothing will spoil a fairytale wedding faster than a honeymoon that’s only good for half of the honeymooners, says Shandon Fowler, author of the “Groom’s Instruction Manual,” published by Quirk Books.

The practical planner

Even if you’ve traveled to more cities that USAir, you’ve probably never experienced a trip quite like a honeymoon. This is not just another 7- or 10- day vacation. Keep these pointers in mind:

-Consult friends, family, and the Internet. You may not want to copy somebody else’s honeymoon exactly, but you can certainly look to others for inspiration. Then hit up your old friend the Web and see which lovely locale is cheapest and/or most practical for the dates you’ll be traveling.

-No surprises. Unless your track record with your fiancee is flawless, don’t try your luck on your honeymoon. A weeklong surprise that isn’t received well on day one will make days two through whenever downright miserable.

-Know what you want. And by that we really mean “know what your fiancee wants.” You may have grand plans for a golf vacation or an outdoor adventure, but if the brand-new missus isn’t down with that, you are heading for disaster.

-Don’t invite anyone else. This should be obvious, but to a surprising number of people, it’s not. Your honeymoon is for you and your fiancee, period. Solitude is the reward you get for making it through the engagement and wedding, so don’t mess it up by thinking that a double dating trip or � heaven forbid � family-vacation-slash-honeymoon can yield the same benefits, unless your goal is a quick annulment.

-Know your maximum. Some people can lie on a beach until retirement. Others get antsy after four days. Know how long you and your wife can survive in each other’s company and away from it all. Many honeymooners enjoy a trip that shifts gears halfway through � three to five days on a lounge chair to recover from the shock of the wedding, followed by three to five days of more demanding and adventurous travel.

-Know your minimum. On the flipside, don’t be so brief that you barely have time to take off your shoes. Weddings are crowded, loud, traumatic events, and you’ll want some time before you have to get back to reality. Three days is usually a good minimum � longer than a weekend, shorter than can cause problems if real life is anxiously awaiting your return.

-Embrace the cliche. You may have an irresistible urge to avoid other newlyweds on your honeymoon, and perhaps that’s why you’re ruling out tropical islands and mountain getaways. But before you but two round trip tickets to Manhattan (or London or Paris), just remember that your wedding is a big, chaotic event, and you might not wish to follow it up by visiting a big, chaotic city. Even the most stubborn urban adventurers can become fond of sand and sun when confronting a serious case of post-wedding exhaustion.

-Know your adventure threshold. Perhaps you read that last tip and you’re still not convinced. That’s fine � you’re perfectly within your rights to prove that the dream honeymoon can also be the dream vacation. Still, do everything you can to cut down on flight times and ratchet up the creature comforts, even if it means spending a little extra. You’ll appreciate that you did.

-Know your spending limit. As with everything else for this damned event, the honeymoon is going to set you back some scratch, so figure out what you have to spend and plan accordingly. You may have to choose between having a short but luxurious vacation or a longer one with half the amenities. On one hand, you can’t miss what you haven’t experienced, so having half the extravagances may be just fine. On the other hand, you may never again get a chance to go all out, so it might do you right (and earn you years of goodwill with your wife) to opt for opulence. If you can afford both, bring us along, please.

-Make sure people know you’re on a honeymoon. Many hotels and resorts exist to service honeymooners. So as you’re making reservations, don’t be shy about telling people it’s for your honeymoon. Some may provide chilled champagne, upgraded accommodations, or simply fresh flowers. These amenities can be a nice reminder that this vacation is unlike any other.

-Do something, do anything. If you’re thinking of postponing the honeymoon, you still must make plans to get away for a few days immediately after the wedding. A family cabin, a bed-and breakfast, a motel with a pool that’s ten miles from your house � whatever it is, go there and get acquainted with your new life companion. Otherwise your life might not feel different enough post-nuptials to have justified all the activity.

Shandon Fowler was the intrepid copilot of a “traditional Southern wedding” in his wife’s hometown of Beaufort, South Carolina. It was either a picture-perfect wedding or an experience so traumatic that it will take years to recover, depending on whom and when you ask. The veteran groom lives in Brooklyn, N.Y., with his wife, Sydney, and their son, Spence.

Quirk Books is an independent book publisher based in Philadelphia. Founded in 2002, Quirk publishes 25 strikingly unconventional books every year. Bestsellers include the pop culture phenomena “Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children” and “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.” Quirk also publishes award-winning cookbooks, craft books, children’s books, and nonfiction on a wide range of subjects, including love and marriage.